Grateful dread

Things that make us thankful:

-That we are "only" dealing with a highly curable cancer.
-That a series of failed jobs brought us to the front range so that when our boy was diagnosed with something that only 2,700ish children in the US get every year, we were close to a top-rated children's hospital. If this had happened in Kansas, everything would have moved much more slowly. It's just one of the things that happens in rural areas.
-That I was stubborn through my pregnancy about not weaning Daniel, feeling bad about having gotten pregnant again before the now-recommended at least two years of breastfeeding were up. I forced myself to nurse him through major nursing aversions as my hormones went crazy, my milk dried up, my nipples felt like they were on fire, and my skin crawled, with the only reward being the sheer nirvana on his face as he snuggled into my breast and instantly relaxed. As soon as Alex was born and my milk began to come back in, Daniel discovered he could not only comfort nurse but actually get milk again, and he and I shared quiet moments together in the hospital, as well as at home for the few days we were there between hospital stays that helped him adjust to the new baby and realize he would do just fine sharing his mama with his new baby brother. And now, we are in another hospital, one where the staff is very supportive of toddler breastfeeding, and Daniel has this one thing he knows will bring him instant comfort whenever he is sad, scared or uncomfortable, that he can ask for whenever he needs. It is a way for him to feel loved and secure, or just needs to have his mama all to himself. And I know that I am personally making antibodies for him that he can no longer make for himself. I am literally carrying as much of the load of his weakened immune system for him that I can. Not to mention providing vitamins and minerals for him that his diet lacks.
-That my pregnancy was such that I was forced to let go of my ideas for a natural birth and choose to be induced at 39 weeks. Had I carried Alex all the way to 40 weeks, and delivered on my due date, I would have gone straight from one hospital to the next with no home time at all in between. As it was, I had five days to recover before all heck broke loose again.
-That my mom came up to help me when she did, her fresh eyes seeing Daniel's pale, yellow skin when we couldn't because he had changed so slowly in front of our eyes. And that his ortho appointment was timed so closely after her arrival, so we could deal with it right away without waiting for an appointment with his pediatrician. Since he was a new patient and not immediately ill, just "pale, yellow and had bruises not healing" the receptionist did not see the need to fit us in until May 15. And I would not have taken him to the ER without a doctor's recommendation to do so.
-That the ortho was so willing to order bloodwork, and then followed up closely, ordered a rush on it, and the results were in within hours, not days, which meant that we were admitted to Children's and receiving treatment approximately 12 hours after we first walked into his office.
-That little Alex is an easy baby. So far he is as unflappable as his big brother. He can eat, sleep and poop his pants no matter what is going on around him, and he is a noisy but happy baby. Unless his tummy is empty. Then he is a noisy and extremely unhappy baby. Which happens often. And by often, I mean mere minutes are allowed to elapse between feedings sometimes. He is growing out of jammies it took Daniel three months to grow into.
-That if this had to happen, it is happening now, when we have a low maintenance, newborn instead of a crawling, slobbering baby sliding around and licking the floor, IV poles, etc.

Im sure there are many more things to be grateful for- so many things have gone right that would not have had to, and so many things have not gone wrong that so easily could have.